There Wasn't a School for Her

For thousands of years, China had an examination system that selected and promoted promising scholars to join the upper echelons of Chinese society and the government. Examinations were first given at the city level, then the region, and finally the national level. If you made it all the way to the national level and got a good score, you'd get some kind of powerful position and might even work for the emperor. My mother came from generations of such scholars. Her ancestors held important positions with government titles. 

I remember my mother saying that as a child, her parents wanted to give her an education. But there was no school for her because there weren't any schools for girls, not even elementary schools. So, my grandparents hired a private tutor that came to the house each day and taught the kids. My mother took classes with her two brothers and one younger sister, but her sister was so much younger that she often wasn't even in the room.  

My father's side of the family was completely different. They were purely farmers, although they were well-to-do farmers who owned land, which was not all that common in those days. My father's family didn't have to work as day labors for a landlord. They were lucky. 

When I was a child, I remember my mother saying that knew my dad had a good day if he called out her maiden name when he came home from work. If he didn't, things weren't going well or he was distracted. If this happened, my mom would leave him alone for ten or fifteen minutes, and then he'd be okay. 

In all my years living with my parents, I never saw my father raise his voice at my mother, and I never saw my mother outwardly disagree with my father. I'm sure they had arguments-what couple doesn't? But they loved each other and there was mutual respect. At times, I felt like they could communicate with each other through a single look.